I have struggled with fear since my college days. The Lord was faithful to show me that walking in fear and worry is a sin, and He was also faithful to give me victory over and over again as I battled the temptation to fear. As life changes, the nature of my fears changes with it. With each new season, the Lord has been faithful again to provide me with the right tools and truth to calm my heart.
(Disclaimer: I want to share a particular fear that I have been dealing with for several years now. I have only spoken to some of my closest friends about it. It is my fear of getting pregnant again. Ironically, there was a season in life when I wanted children, but was terrified of pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Then there was a season when I was pregnant, and terrified of labor and delivery. And here we are, in a new season of not wanting to be pregnant. And what is my fear again? I struggle to share this because I know that there are other women in their own season of struggling with the fear of “What if I can’t get pregnant?” and “What if I lose this baby too?” My heart hurts for you, and I don’t want to be insensitive to those struggles. But I also want to testify to the faithfulness of God in my own battle, because I trust that the nature of God is the same remedy for all situations, regardless of the nature of the fears.)
I constantly find my thoughts walking down this mental road of what the future would look like if I found I was unexpectedly pregnant again. I don’t have to make it past the first turn before I am nearly swept off the path by an avalanche of worries and concerns. Mountains loom in the distant view that seem impossible to tackle:
- How would we ever afford this?
- I won’t be able to get all the homeschool done with the kids!
- I love my new job! I don’t want to give it up.
- What will my employers think if I quit on them?
- How will my husband ever have the time to care for all the responsibilities I won’t be able to get to?
- Who will be my doctor this time?
Sometimes I even find that praying is hard, because I go on a full-fledged trip down this path to pray about each of these concerns. As I verbalize them, the mountains grow bigger and more peaks spring up in the distance.
But the Lord has provided a great source of comfort and a great escape from this temptation. It is this way of escape that is so precious to me and I want to share it with you. What is it? It is simply this: The Lord knows.
The Lord knows.
Sometimes I stop walking toward the mountains and turn my back on them, repeating over and over to myself, “The Lord knows. The Lord knows.” What the Lord knows about me is sufficient for me because of what I know about Him. I know the Lord is omniscient, and knows the beginning from the end. I know the Lord created me and knows all the thoughts and desires of my heart. I know the Lord is the almighty sovereign God who directs my path. I know the Lord is working out all things for my good, to sanctify me and mold me into the image of His son. I know the Lord is the God who Provides.
I can look at each fear and stop it with this one statement: the Lord knows. And so I change my prayers to this:
- Lord you know we don’t have the money for this. And if He chooses this path for us, He is able to provide.
- Lord you know that homeschool would seem nearly impossible. And He will provide the strength for what he expects me to do each day.
- Lord you know that I love my new job! The Lord knows that He gave me this job, and the Lord knows when it is no longer for my good.
- Lord you know what a responsibility I feel toward my employers. The Lord knows the needs of this ministry and has always met them faithfully.
- Lord you know how much is on my husband’s plate. The Lord knows exactly what’s best for my husband’s sanctification and will ordain trials in his life accordingly.
- Lord you know my trustworthy doctor is out of reach now. The Lord knows my sadness and fear here, and will guide and provide for this too.
Every worry, every doubt, every mountain, overcome. Because I know that God will either keep me from the trial I fear, or that the sovereign Creator of the universe has tenderly taken into account every single concern while measuring out the nature and length and intensity of each trial I may face. No detail has escaped His planning, no care of mine has escaped His concern. They are all accounted for, and I can trust Him, because He knows exactly what He is doing!
This is my place of rest. Knowing that He knows silences all my fears. I can stop looking at the mountains that may or not be on the path He takes me. I can look around and enjoy the glory of the path I am on, walking joyfully in the light, without fear.
“He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” Psalm 23:3
“…the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment” 2 Peter 2:9